What is an extra marital affair? In simple
language it is a physical relationship by either spouse with another woman
or man out side marriage. It means a relationship with a man or a woman who is
not your legal partner. Generally it is seen that men are more prone to extra
marital affairs. Why? This again is rooted in the genes of a man. Through out
history sociologists have come to the conclusion that man is by
nature polygamous while a woman is by nature monogamous. This has its
inevitable fall out in an extra marital love affair.
Generally such love
affairs are not platonic in nature and to qualify as an extra marital affair a
physical relationship is a requirement. A platonic love affair will not come
under the definition of an extra-marital love affair.
What if your man is
having an extra marital affair? How can you tell? This is a million dollar question
and though the answer is simple yet a certain amount of alertness on the part
of the wife will go along way in unraveling a knotty problem.
Tell Tale Signs
a) Firstly a man is apt
to forget simple things which he is told to do by his wife. He may forget to
bring the required vegetables or attend to an important issue at home. He may
forget to pay the school dues of the son or daughter.
b) A man will start
keeping late hours and be more and more out of home. He could say there
is extra work in his office or he is doing overtime on the directions of his
boss. If he is the boss himself he may say that the board of directors
has given him some additional tasks to complete. In case this happens over a
longer period then its best to check up from the office. But be discreet, that
is the name of the game.
c) The husband will stop
going out to dinners and functions with his wife. In case he does go, the
frequency would be greatly reduced. The wife would not that the husband
is a little aloof during these outings and she wills not that the man wants to
'get it over' and head back quickly.
d) A husband instead of
attending to small jobs in the house on Sundays and holidays will make some
excuse of an 'important meeting' or something else and go away. This is a sure sign
that something fishy is on.
e) Lastly the husband
would not be performing his marital duty in bed and would fall asleep soon with
the refrain ' I am tired'. Thus sex would not be there. When this
happens the alarm bells must ring in the wife's head.
A woman or wife can also
have a marital love affair. But as women are more emotional
and sensitive the extra marital love affair is likely to deeply
affect the wife's psyche. Unlike men who can mask their emotions and love 2
women at the same time, a woman is unable to do that. She is likely to
become neurotic and tense and that could adversely affect her temper
and attitude.
Extra marital love
affairs are best broken off after some time as the consequences can be
devastating for the couple and more important for the children. There could
also be a divorce and that in India is not easy and can drag on for years,
unless it is a mutual divorce.
Extra marital affairs
however have been going on since the dawn of civilization and are unlikely to
fade away. The important thing is to be a realist and accept what has happened
and look forward. Forgiveness of the partner is also important.
Right or Wrong
The last part of this
post concerns whether it is morally wrong to have a extra marital love affair. Here
I will add that the rules are a little different for a man and a woman. A woman
having a extra-marital love and sexual relationship is on a road to no return and may not be correct as women by
nature are more emotional. However in case of a man, the game is different. A
extra-marital love can give a fillip to
a marriage as well as a man by nature is polygamous. So a extra marital sexual
alliance for a married man may well be
in the long run not such a bad thing at all. But he must know where to draw the
line.
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